Constantly scanning for threats, creating a baseline for anxiety. My parents were like stochastic emotional terrorists to me and my brother
From this tweet. This is my experience as well, where my parents would argue with one another, or my brother, in what felt to me like a completely random way, and as a result it has made me constantly scan for threats in my life, making me very anxious and tired due to me constantly being alerted. It is not just the random aspect, but also the sense of being caught in a crossfire which you are utterly helpless to do anything about, since it doesn't involve you, which made be anxious too.
Now that I am older, I have more agency over the type of environments I find myself in, which means I can afford to not spend my time with people who cannot deal gracefully with conflicts, and at the very least I can assert my boundaries.
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2025-02-09